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28 November 2017

Out of My Comfort and Into Your Arms : Child #6

  1. Fathers: raising tomorrows leaders…

This is hopefully going to be the title of a book I am currently working on.

Throughout my time in the military and in law enforcement I have received numerous “Leadership” awards…

Leading Men for Battle is very similar to Raising men for Life…

All very different and all needing a different type of attention to feel “whole”, to feel loved in a manner they want.

My oldest Hunter needs the freedom of making his own choices, and knowing when he does something wrong all I have to say is I am disappointed and it will bring him to tears.

My middle son Holden: tough kid with a soft heart, (reminds me the most of my own style of Leadership needed). Give him a mission and exactly how it needs to be done. Be a little stern and direct… That’s how you get the best work out of this one…

My Youngest, Jarek…
Raised mostly by a single mother before I came into the picture. Mamas boy you can say, completely dependent on mom for EVERYTHING. Not a terrible thing. But for me this was a parenting style I didn’t have in the tool box… or one I’ve had the tools for just never had to apply them lol.

His mother did what she knew best as a nurturer raising two children practically alone. Bonds are made and routines become clockwork…

Then they moved into my house of independent children and military type structures…

See in my house… There are few real rules, more like what’s expected of the kids in my household.

Manners: Yes Sir, No Ma’am, please and thank you.

Cleaning: clean up after yourself.

Lights: they are a privilege (turn them off when not using them)

Family: Family before friends. We are a team (if there is an argument.. handle it.) if someone hits you first… Protect yourself at all times.

Essentially my kids can survive without dad if needed. It’s a well-oiled machine.

Jarek had to learn fast… and I had to help him transition as my new son and a new member of this ridiculously structured house hold…

At first he turned to his mom a lot to save him… this wasn’t easy for all parties involved. Christie didn’t want to let go of her little boy and I was trying to raise tomorrow’s leader, starting with pouring his own cereal at 4 years old… (not an easy task)

I am always ok with failure, it’s ok to spill the milk a few times, but only if In doing so you start to understand the balance of the gallon and how to correct the milk in bowl to milk on floor ratio.

At no fault to mom, Jarek has never felt failure. How could he if he was never been challenged to do anything on his own. It’s ok to see them fail, it’s our job to lift them up and continue to push them forward.

But he’s only 4 she would tell me… lol

I agree I am a tough leader… but soon after giving him the freedom to try pouring his own cereal he started to now pick out his own clothes and next brush his own teeth… the list continues

Some may think I am hard on my son, but I like to think of it as leading him into the world with tools…

Kids only know what we teach them until this ruthless world gets ahold of them. I want to get my kids ready for that day…

Jarek, will have an advantage over my oldest. He has a mother figure that is there for him through thick and thin. My kids haven’t necessarily had this privilege, and now that they do.. It’s still almost foreign to them… they don’t know how to ask “Mom” for help or affection.

Kind of sad in a way but this is life and this is our problem to solve.

As for Jarek, raising him in this new environment hasn’t been easy, but I love seeing the small victories…

When he asks for dads help before mom..
WIN!
When he says “Dad, do you have to go to work?”
WIN!
When he decided to stand up for himself in a house of little thugs ( He was terrified of conflict)
WIN!

Small Victories will win the war…

This little man knows although dad isn’t as easy going as mom he still has a soft side, who might be serious at times but is still the funniest dude in the room. Who knows that even though he is learning how to protect himself he will never have to as long as i am around.

It’s crazy how much he now acts like me… his humor and silly faces resemble mine!

As much as I want my boy to grow up and be more independent I love that he is still in the ages of learning, and through that I will be there to lead…

 

We are a blended family that makes one hell of a shake…

Jarek, you have taught me more in our short time together then I will ever teach you. I have grown as a father and leader by being pulled out of my comfort zone to find a whole new side of me. Happy Birthday Jarek, You might be the youngest but you put the pieces in my heart I didn’t know I still had… Love you Papa…

 

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1 Response

  1. Jen

    This post really resonates with me. I just got remarried, and my husband and I each had children of our own coming into it. My boys have had to learn that it is possible to have a secure father figure in the family they can rely on. My husband sounds just like Christie and his daughter (just turning 6 now) like Jarek. It’s been a learning curve to try and make her learn more independence and not needing dad to do everything for her, but we’re starting to make strides.

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